Cum Hither Bitch.

This is hysterical and unnecessary and yet I find myself kind of sort of maybe perhaps ever so slightly wanting one.

Balls.

I just spent over $100 on sex toys.

I think it's safe to say, I have a problem.

I think it's naughty to say, I don't fucking care.

If I want to fuck myself four ways from Sunday,

That's exactly what I'm going to fucking do.



Shit Balls.

It's 2012 already? 

Fuck where does the time go? 

So, apologies for my M-I-A uh ness are in order.

[INSERT PROFOUND APOLOGY]

I was a) in Europe for 3 months having sexual relations with Prince Harry .. b) Swamped with work after receiving a huge promotion as my company's new Associate VP .. c) Didn't have time to blog while on-set of my new porno .. d) Went on a huge bingefest of vodka and cocaine .. e) Couldn't blog because I was too busy participating in OCCUPY WALLSTREET .. f) Was in Africa partaking in DRs Without Borders .. g) Got married and just got back from my honeymoon .. h) Too busy setting up my new at-home sex site .. i) ALL OF THE ABOVE