Lo Siento.

So I've kind of dropped the ball on the whole Monday Funday thing. Sorry. I've just really not been able to sit down and just gather all my thoughts and all that other shit. I've been working 24/7 because I've been trying to get a new car, since my lovely piece of shit '97 Honda can barely reach 80 mph without wanting to pull over on the side of the road and die. Not that I'd ever be driving 80 mph because that would be speeding and speeding is wrong. Anyway, let's see if I recall the next letter would be [D]. So onward hoe.

[D]: Doggie Style.

Probably one of the most used positions, besides missionary. Why? Because it feels fucking fabulous. Some people would disagree though. Why? If you've ever seen, Knocked Up, Katherine Heigel's character refuses to let Seth Rogan's character fuck her doggie style because she didn't want to get fucked like, you guessed it - a dog. His response, it's just the name of the style. It's not like you're an actual dog. Probably one of the best quotes in a movie EVER.

To all those people out there who are against doggie style, they're usually the girls who insist on ONLY fucking missionary, ugh perhaps you'd enjoy it if you pulled the stick out of your ass, or in some cases pushed it in further. I've always been able to cum in this position, and most men have a hard time staying in this position very long without cumming themselves. It's easier for most men to pump fast and [the] furious while a girl is on her knees, it provides a fantastic beachfront view and if the girl leans forward with her ass up, the cock slips in oh so nice and oh so mm mm deep.

All those of you for doggie, ya'll feelin' me on this one? For those of you against, ya'll really need to start thinking outside the box and for those missionary-only ladies, start thinking about your box.

That's Why the Lady is a Tramp.

Sorry for the long absence. I've been battling the flu.

I've been on quite a few dates, even in my weakened state. Several of them have just been shoot-the-shit kind of dates, a few have been very nice and I was starting to think -- I'd finally hit a streak of good dating juju. And then there was Shannon. She and I went on 2.5 dates. I say .5 because at the middle of our third date I just had to break it off, right then and there. She kept harping about this and that. I was holding my fork wrong, I wasn't sipping soup out of my spoon properly, I wasn't raising my pinky when I was drinking out of my glass, etcetera etcetera. She was complaining about how her friends were all so ignorant and how she felt like she was so much smarter than all of them, and that she knows all of her friends are jealous because she is smarter than all of them. Then she was going on and on about how she's good at this and that, how she knows that everyone just loves her and yet she's just this regular normal girl. And after an hour of listening to her kiss her own ass, I just needed to get the fuck out of there.

Here's how it went.

"Please, just stop. Seriously. I can't do this. I just can't. You're a nice girl, just ask yourself. So I don't even see how you're going to care that I can't and don't want to see you anymore. I mean, you have all these people in your life who according to you are borderline obsessed with you and all sorts of men and women just pining after you, that I know you'll have no trouble finding someone else to worship the ground you walk on. So, have a nice life."

Yes, I did pay for dinner. And no I didn't just leave her at the restaurant, she had driven herself there. On my way out, the waiter tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Dude you're like a saint. I would've left within the first 5 minutes."

End of Story.

[C]: is for Chode.

Now there is some dispute as to what the chode actually is. Some people say it's the piece of skin between the weenie and the sack. Some say it's a doo-dah that's wider than it is long. I'm going to go with the latter for this post.

Some people seem to think that the longer a cock is, the better everything is. Ladies and Gents, I'm here to tell you that that is a bunch of fooey and you'd have to have a screw loose to believe that. Now, now I'm not saying that length isn't a wonderful thing. I'm just saying if you happen to see a cock that's not so tall but nice and stout, don't run the other way. It can be an absolutely delicious thing.

Absolutely delicious indeed.