When I was younger I wanted to be a boy, a veterinarian, a movie star and a dog. Today I am older, not a boy, not a vet, not a movie star and not a dog. Ah well. My Mother always used to say, If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I always used to wonder about that because, honestly, if wishes were anything for beggars, wouldn't they be like booze, money and prostitutes? Horses? Come on. That's for like 4th grade girls who write notes and fold them into complicated boxes and triangles that a tomboy, such as myself, never received because girls had cooties and I certainly did not want those. It might also have been because I was such a huge loser no one wanted to waste 9 hours out of their life making me a triangle note. But I digress.
Girls to me aren't as icky as I thought they were way back when. Well atleast not icky enough to stop me from dating several. And seeing as how I'm now slightly grown up I think it's only proper that I start to use more adult language ... Girls aren't icky they're just severely fucking annoying.
I suppose if you really are one of those people who need to label me, I'm bisexual, but really I'd like to just think of myself as not picky and very open-minded. Girls. Boys. Vaginas. Penises. Pohtaytoe. Pohtahtoe. They both come with a ton of pettyness and needyness that involves you spending a lot of moneyness, demand a shitload of your time and energy and sanity and bring with them annoyingness and lyingness and cheatingness and all that other shitness. Hrm, now I'm starting see why I didn't get that job as a relationship advice columnist.
Don't get me wrong I've dated perfectly sweet and innocent people, but it's usually right after I dated perfectly horrible and evil people. So I'd be a bitch to the nice people because of the bad people, get dumped soon after because I was being a bitch to the nice people, then be all like boo hoo because the nice people dumped me. So then I'd change my ways and vow to be a nice person for forevahevah, let the bad people walk all over me and get dumped after the bad people completely used me, and then I'm a jaded bitch again and mean to the nice people. Yeah. This is the circle of life partners.
As of right now, I'm single and I wouldn't say I'm loving it but it certainly is freeing. I don't have to worry about pissing anyone off, hurting someone's feelings, I don't have to rush to lose the 10lbs I gained over a holiday bingefest, I can just be me. Sometimes I get lonely and really wish that I had someone, but at the same time I suppose I'm grateful for my sanity. So as of right now, sanity trumps loneliness.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Girls to me aren't as icky as I thought they were way back when. Well atleast not icky enough to stop me from dating several. And seeing as how I'm now slightly grown up I think it's only proper that I start to use more adult language ... Girls aren't icky they're just severely fucking annoying.
I suppose if you really are one of those people who need to label me, I'm bisexual, but really I'd like to just think of myself as not picky and very open-minded. Girls. Boys. Vaginas. Penises. Pohtaytoe. Pohtahtoe. They both come with a ton of pettyness and needyness that involves you spending a lot of moneyness, demand a shitload of your time and energy and sanity and bring with them annoyingness and lyingness and cheatingness and all that other shitness. Hrm, now I'm starting see why I didn't get that job as a relationship advice columnist.
Don't get me wrong I've dated perfectly sweet and innocent people, but it's usually right after I dated perfectly horrible and evil people. So I'd be a bitch to the nice people because of the bad people, get dumped soon after because I was being a bitch to the nice people, then be all like boo hoo because the nice people dumped me. So then I'd change my ways and vow to be a nice person for forevahevah, let the bad people walk all over me and get dumped after the bad people completely used me, and then I'm a jaded bitch again and mean to the nice people. Yeah. This is the circle of life partners.
As of right now, I'm single and I wouldn't say I'm loving it but it certainly is freeing. I don't have to worry about pissing anyone off, hurting someone's feelings, I don't have to rush to lose the 10lbs I gained over a holiday bingefest, I can just be me. Sometimes I get lonely and really wish that I had someone, but at the same time I suppose I'm grateful for my sanity. So as of right now, sanity trumps loneliness.
And that's all I have to say about that.
No comments:
Post a Comment