I suppose it would be morally wrong to write that when I was 15, I wanted desperately to be a porn star.
Wait, before you go all self-righetously judgey on me let me just say that I had a damn good reason. I was making $5 an hour babysitting little stuck-up cunt children, and seriously what can you buy with 20 bucks? Save my money? Yeah right. You obviously don't know me at all. Well, okay so you really don't, but now you know that the word budget is nowhere in my dictionary of life. That 20 bucks was burnin' a whole in my hand. Yeah, it never even made it to my pocket. What on earth was I buying? Well like any dumbass diluted teen with a popstar infatuation; I was buying magazines, posters, videos, concert tickets, cd's of the Backstreet Boys and later NSYNC because I truly believed that if I showed what a dedicated fan I was I would end up marrying one of them. Yeah, I didn't even care if it was the ugly one, the gay one, the creepy old motherfucker with the braces, the other gay one ... whatever. If I couldn't get a hot one, I figured I'd be able to seduce them later. I was also buying candy cigarettes, because they made me look SUPER COOL.
Yeah, looking back I now realize I was an absolute fucking moron. I spent thousands of dollars on that shit. Dude, if I had just saved all that dough I'd have been able to pay off my student loans and buy a nice, non-foreign, non-gas guzzling, expensive car that wasn't a piece of ghetto ass crap. Don't get me wrong, I love my little piece of shit whip, except for the part where it rapes me of what little money I make in repairs, because heaven forbid any of the parts be made in AMERICA.
But I used to look through the ginormous pile of HUSTLER of one of the cunt kids' Dad's that I babysat had, and I would fantasize about being every man's wet dream. Yeah, even the disgusting fat ass truck driver. I wanted those redneck motherfuckers to idolize and worship me. I wanted to be able to own a HUMMER (pun not intended) by the time I was 16 and drive around liek a bad ass. I wanted to show all the twats and bastards in my class that I wasn't the loser they all made me out to be. NO, I was the fucking shit and they'd all realize that when they happened to come across their father's PORN stash and see me on the fucking COVER that I was indeed THE BOMB.
Wait, before you go all self-righetously judgey on me let me just say that I had a damn good reason. I was making $5 an hour babysitting little stuck-up cunt children, and seriously what can you buy with 20 bucks? Save my money? Yeah right. You obviously don't know me at all. Well, okay so you really don't, but now you know that the word budget is nowhere in my dictionary of life. That 20 bucks was burnin' a whole in my hand. Yeah, it never even made it to my pocket. What on earth was I buying? Well like any dumbass diluted teen with a popstar infatuation; I was buying magazines, posters, videos, concert tickets, cd's of the Backstreet Boys and later NSYNC because I truly believed that if I showed what a dedicated fan I was I would end up marrying one of them. Yeah, I didn't even care if it was the ugly one, the gay one, the creepy old motherfucker with the braces, the other gay one ... whatever. If I couldn't get a hot one, I figured I'd be able to seduce them later. I was also buying candy cigarettes, because they made me look SUPER COOL.
Yeah, looking back I now realize I was an absolute fucking moron. I spent thousands of dollars on that shit. Dude, if I had just saved all that dough I'd have been able to pay off my student loans and buy a nice, non-foreign, non-gas guzzling, expensive car that wasn't a piece of ghetto ass crap. Don't get me wrong, I love my little piece of shit whip, except for the part where it rapes me of what little money I make in repairs, because heaven forbid any of the parts be made in AMERICA.
But I used to look through the ginormous pile of HUSTLER of one of the cunt kids' Dad's that I babysat had, and I would fantasize about being every man's wet dream. Yeah, even the disgusting fat ass truck driver. I wanted those redneck motherfuckers to idolize and worship me. I wanted to be able to own a HUMMER (pun not intended) by the time I was 16 and drive around liek a bad ass. I wanted to show all the twats and bastards in my class that I wasn't the loser they all made me out to be. NO, I was the fucking shit and they'd all realize that when they happened to come across their father's PORN stash and see me on the fucking COVER that I was indeed THE BOMB.
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